My Rules
As long as things are spotty, I'll probably post short things as they occur to me.
I have lived by a small set of rules since I became a real, grown-up boy:
1. Be Kind. Be so kind to everyone. We all struggle, we all have the blues. Don’t be part of someone else’s blues. Be Kind…
But
2. Never Sacrifice Your Dignity. All humans are owed respect until they lose that right. If you aren’t receiving that respect, make a change. If someone needs to come correct, set that boundary. Try to be kind as you do it. Use “I” statements. But Never Sacrifice Your Dignity (this is the rule I break most often).
3. Try very hard to see the world from other people’s perspectives, especially enemies/opponents/other sorts of people who antagonize you through their words, actions, and/or beliefs.
Related:
4. Don’t Judge. Anything. Ever. There are 7.5 billion ways to see the world. Let other people have their perspectives. Learn what they are, but never make good/bad judgments about someone else’s experiences unless not doing so breaks Rule #2. Otherwise, Don’t Judge.
5. When You Don’t Know, Say So. Tell this difficult truth and you’ll open up worlds. You’ll learn the thing you didn’t know and so much more. People will respect your learner’s mind and recognize that you have the beginnings of wisdom. It’s a very big deal when someone can achieve that humility. (So you might have guessed, this is the rule I break like third-most often.) Tell the truth when you don’t know a thing.
6. Laugh. Every day, at least once. This is the rule I’m most successful at following. Laugh. It can save your sanity, because
7. If It Didn’t Kill You, Learn from It. Then Laugh At It. Graveyard/gallows humor exists for a reason. It helps us get through the hardest times. I stood at the graveside of one of my college best friends when we were 23, and his widow had all of us cracking up as they lowered him into the ground.
8. Ask for Help When You Need It, especially when you need help from a professional. For important example, don’t be one of those people who “doesn’t believe in therapy.”
9. Learn the History of Black People in America; never stop learning more. Go way beyond Martin & Malcom.
10. Know Yourself. Even if it means employing rule #8. Know yourself inside & out. If you’re confused about why you reacted a certain way to a certain thing, find out. Know Yourself.
11. Hold on to your best friends. Nurture those relationships; they make being an adult so much fun. They help you feel like a kid again & make Rule #6 so easy.
12. Seek Balance. Don’t just “work hard, play hard,” “work hard, play hard, rest hard.” And determine a work-life balance that works for you. Seek Balance.
13. Be Extremely Judicious In the Risks You Take. Alcohol and other drugs have been a scourge on my family. In my lifetime alone, we’ve lost so many relatives due to either overdose, misadventure, or the consequences of a very long life of alcohol or other drug abuse. Most importantly, know when a risk you’re taking could have a permanent consequence. When that’s true,
14. Always Make Informed Decisions. Drugs didn’t take my first college degree away from me; ignorance about drugs and addiction did.
Those are my rules for me, and I think they’re worth passing on. I have only lived by these rules for 14 of my 40 years, and they have made my life so much better than it used to be.